NORTH POLE, Dec. 8, 2008—In a press event webcast today from his workshop, Santa Claus announced his new business strategy. "Due to economic restraints, our workshop is turning to Online Video to reduce costs over the holidays. We've found in reading the Streaming Media Industry Sourcebook that we can reduce the time and expense of elf toy-making training," he said, adding that he discovered the benefits of online video the old-fashioned way. "Being able to read a resource like the Sourcebook, away from the computer, when I have time to research and strategize, is a real benefit."
Claus pointed to increased competition as a driving factor in his decision to go with online video training. "We've found that Ikea furniture, especially, has caused a real strain on our product assembly market. Having access to assembly video will really speed things up. Not that my elves aren't skilled, but there's a real advantage for the 'monkey see, monkey do' factor here."
The move to online video is part of Claus' efforts to both cut costs and reduce his workshop's carbon footprint. "Although some travel will be maintained and mandatory, such as Christmas Eve itself, I'm limiting my appearances in Shopping Malls, and instead will be setting up video kiosks. These video kiosks will allow for live, two-way video and audio communication and will interfaced with our main website and our toy and gift wish selection database," Claus said, adding that he was looking forward to not having to deal with candy canes stuck in his beard by mischievous children.
"We've also found that by having pre-roll and interstitial video advertising, similar to television commercials, we've been able to generate a new revenue stream from major manufacturers and services, as well as retail," he added. "While a percentage of the funds, which we estimate at over 1 billion, will be dontated to major charity, we will be using these funds to to bring better LAN lines and wi-fi to most areas of the North Pole. Plus, I can finally afford to pimp out my sleigh."
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